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10:25pm 18/08/2005
 
mood: bouncy
music: Like a prayer~ Madonna
Let's see, tomorow is my sweet 16 sunday is my real birthday and I'm going to the city with the fam. I can't wait until tomorow. It's going to be great! Next year I'm spending the entire summer in France, Italy in 2 months. Oh what a year. Bye		  
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10:47pm 30/07/2005
  This summer seems to be getting better as the days go by. Today Meaghan came over, and I had a wonderful time. We got fruits ready to take to the park and sat down and just enjoyed the day, we went into town and ate at the place called Spoons and it was very nice. I had a great conversation with her about what we want in a relationship if we happen to get ourselves a guy these days. I don't want the normal relationship people tend to be in these days, I want to be in a relationship like in a love story. I want to be in a mutual relationship where I do things he wants me to do, and he does things I want him to do. I would love to just sit under a tree and read or
go to a beach and just enjoy the sun setting, or just spending time with eachother just to be with eachother. I really don't even care if we didn't have sex for a long time, I actually think it would be better that way, so that it would be even more special. I also want us to be very comfortable with eachother. By that, I mean that if we just sat in silence for however long I don't want any of us to feel any bit uncomfortable or thinking okay what should I say to break the silence. I want him to understand, that sometimes when I'm around someone I need even a 5 minute time out just to think to myself, and not tune in on a conversation but to just think for myself. I like to have my quiet moments even if it's not long, and I think if we'd be comfortable not talking to eachother and yet be with eachother that would make things great. I really hope to find a guy soon, I don't know why I'm feeling this all of a sudden but it kind of hurts because I wonder if I'll ever meet someone like this.		  
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09:10pm 29/07/2005
 
mood: happy
Today, I had an amazing day. I spent the entire day with my mom in the city. As soon as I got there, I kept saying how we have to go here, we have to see this, and made our day trip into a mission. I am very much like my dad that way. I don't know how to sit with things and just enjoy them, I walk twenty steps ahead when I'm really 20 steps behind. That makes no sense for whoever's reading this, but to me it makes perfect sense. Today, I really learned how to just let life come to me instead of always planning things out, and trying to predict the future so to speak. Most of the day was spent in Central Park, and the upper west side. The city amazes me, it is a beautiful place with an amazing energy surrounding it. The second I got off the train, like the many times I do, I felt energized, and wanting to accomplsih everything in a few short hours. I felt very rushed, and at first felt like I was going too slow, and always seemed to quicken my pace. My mother and I kept argueing about that, because she wanted to just relax and I had to rush. It wasn't until I hit Central Park where I calmed down. We were walking by the lake, and instead of me enjoying the moment I spent there, I was like "Ok mom let's see more of the park." I know I missed a really nice experience there. We were walking to go to another section of the park, but my mom and I saw this really beautiful hill with a big tree that sparked our interest. I wanted to take a picture with a camera I didn't have, and I was ready to move on until my mom bought us ice cream, and told me to just sit and enjoy the moment. She layed there ready to fall asleep, and I sat on the hill reading The Notebook wishing that I would never have to leave this place. We sat there for about 45 minutes until we decided it was time to go. I saw many art galleries, design museums, I shopped, and ate outside at this beautiful restaurant on Lincoln Center, but my favorite part of this day was when I got to relax and just go with life instead of always having to move.		  
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10:40pm 23/07/2005
  Well, I haven't updated in about a month, and a lot has happened. First thing, I went to Disney, and I had so much fun. I woke up at about 5 every day and hit every attraction, parade, fireworks etc there is to see. We ate at nice places and stayed at the Boardwalk like usual. This time was so much fun, because I got to be with my cousins, and it wasn't like Villa Roma at all, and we didn't have to wake up every morning feeling like we were stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. The day I had to leave, I was so sad because I really didn't want to come back home. The worst part of vacation is leaving. Next year we're going to California which is awesome and in 2 months is Italy. My vacation days are great. I haven't been working too often which is really great, because I hate my job and as soon as I'm 16 I'm quitting and applying at Waldbaums. For the past 2 weeks, I've been going into FIT with Brittney and waking up at 6 every morning for 4 times a week. I have never been so tired. Although it's quite a trip, I am having such a great time, and we have such great people in my class. I've been doing a lot of projects and my professor loves them and says that they can be in a museum. That really helped me because I was starting to question my creativity. This summer is so different from last year, and is going by so quickly, but atleast I'm keeping myself busy. I've been hanging out with people, planning my sweet 16 which I'm so friggen excited about and obsessing over, and between work and FIT, there's not one day so far where I have been able to spend a day alone. That's kind of bad though, because I like to spend time alone sometimes and just think. I've been really getting along well with my sister too lately, which I never have gotten along with her my whole life. This summer I haven't been punished at all which is great because last summer I was punished every week. School will be here in a little over a month and I am definately not looking forward to it.  
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08:24pm 27/06/2005
 
mood: nervous
music: My Funny Valentine-Frank Sinatra
School has finally ended, and I'm so happy it did. Disney vacation is coming up in three days and I can't wait. The past few days I have been finishing shopping and packing to go away, and I think I officially hate shopping. I've been working a lot lately and have been paying for a lot of shit, it's sad how all of my money is just vanishing before me eyes. I got my regents grades and did much better than I had though. On italian, I got a 98, global a 91 and biology a 76. Next year and in 12th grade, I am really going to try harder to be as smart as I used to be, and hopefully get high 90's and 100's on most of my tests. I am getting to be more confident in being accepted into FIT, and I'm really excited. My FIT classes start up again soon, and that's yet another thing I'm really looking forward to in this summer. I don't know why, but since school has ended I keep waking up feeling as though the summer had ended, and I got nothing accomplished. I keep feeling that I didn't get to hang out with the friends I wanted to hang out with, go to the places I wanted to go, and as if time flew and I missed out on everything, yet the summer just begun. I keep worrying about things too, I don't even know what I'm worried about, but my mind is always trying to find something that I just have to worry about even though I don't really have too much to think about that will go wrong.		  
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04:58pm 19/06/2005
 
mood: bitchy
Hello there everyone, Jenna is with me right now and she says hello to everyone reading my journal. Friday I hung out with Jenna, Joey, and John, and then there was me, Danielle. All J names except for mine I feel left out, no actually I feel unique. Stupid boys are dumb because they told us the wrong movie theatre because their stupid boys. So, we went to Applebees, and walked around and got yelled at in Home Depot for playing Hide and Go Seek, and Joey called all the girls who worked their dykes. We went to Borders and drank coffee, and I ate a flip flop woo! It wasn't a real flip flop however it was rice crispie treat with purple icing. I gave up on my bet with Meaghan and Jen because they gave up first on not eating junk for a month but I lasted 2 in a half weeks. Go me! But now, I can't have any more snacks ever because my body was so used to eating healthy that now everytime I eat junk I get really nauscious and feel like I'm going to throw up. Then, I slept over Jenna's, and a little soap opera occured that day but let's not get into that. Before my outing with my nutcase friends I took the Italian regents which was kind of hard yet kind of easy and of course I was one of the last to get finished with the test. After the gay regents, I went to work and I hate my boss and I almost officially hate little kids. Yesterday. after my sleepover, I went over my Aunt Donna's house for Gabrielle's birthday and it was cute. Right now I'm at my house surrounded by the Cacciatore family and I don't want to be here I badly want to take a walk to Venetian with Jenna but my mother says no. Wow, I never feel like writing anymore, my entries are so boring. so I'll stop now, goodbye world.		  
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05:14pm 06/06/2005
 
mood: contemplative
music: Purple Haze~Jimi Hendrix
This weekend has been pretty eventful. On friday, Meaghan and Jen came over, and we colored pictures for eachother. Jen drew me as a black man, and Meaghan drew us at the lovely zoo. We had some lovely convsersations, and took a walk up to CVS. We also made a bet. We cannot eat any junk food or at any fast food places until June 30th. I am trying to get rid of these gross fat thighs of mine, and to eat healthier too. If any of us loses the bet, we have to pay the others 10 dollars each. I have been doing very well too. Yesterday I turned down cake, cookies, and canolis. Today Mrs. Ruth was stocked up with a bunch of Reese's, my favorite candy in the whole world and the one day she has a them is the day I can't eat it. Saturday, I was watching my sister Nicole, and we had a nice time. I took her into town for a lunch at Spoons, and we went to Industrial, got our nails done, and walked up to the park. I haven't had a good day with her since I was little. Sunday, I had work and then went to my Aunt Angela's for a barbeque. I layed out in the sun for about 3 hours, and got no tan, which is a surprise because I get pretty dark after being in the sun for one hour. Well, that basically sums up my weekend. I was watching the movie Hotel Rwanda the other day which was a true story of genocide in 1995. At one scene, they were talking about how the Americans or anyother powerful country wouldn't step in to help them. I find it to be very interesting the view other counteries has on Americans. I'm starting to hate America myself, well the gorvernment. Maybe I should go live in Italy, Britain or France when I'm older, that would be nice. Or mabye even Canada, they never are involved with anything, so maybe that's a pretty decent place to live. I hate how we always have to stick our business in everything else that goes on in the world. Like how if we don't like the way a government is running another country we just have to step in, like with communism. Sure I don't agree with communism, you get no chance of moving up in the social class or making it on your own and be very successful, but we shouldn't have to interfere because we don't like that. We should run our country the way we want it, and they can run it however they want. I'm just rambling on now about pointless things. Or is it pointless? Well, maybe not it is after all just my opinion.		  
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09:48pm 30/05/2005
 
mood: sleepy
music: Bloodless~Emery
I had a very good four day vacation this weekend. On Thursday, Meaghan came over and we just hung out, and then we went with my mother furniture shopping, because my mom is re-doing the house. Friday, Maria came over and the painters who are doing the house kicked my family out, so we went to Estelle's and there I bought my sweet 16 dress. It is so pretty, it's like a ballgown. It is in between an ivory and beige color, it has a pink ribbon with pearls and sequins outlining the ribbon, and it's very poofy. I wish I could wear ballgowns every day of my life, there so elegant. Then, we went over my Grandma's for dinner, talked, looked at pictures, and watched Finding Neverland. I love that movie. Saturday, I went to Head Automatica with Joey Curtis and Jenna. It was a lot of fun. Head Automatica was really good, but I didn't like anyone else who was playing before them. I went up to this really hott guy and told him that I thought he was, and of course he was 20 which sucks. He couldn't have even been a year younger because he was interested, but I was too young. I should have just said I was 16 or 17. Then, after the show Curtis drove us to Friendly's, and the ride there and back was a lot of fun, we were listening to older music singing and swaying back and forth haha it was great. I was supposed to sleep over Jenna's, but I was punished because I wasn't supposed to go out afterwards, and my dad called Crazy Donkey and found out what time they really ended and yeah I was punished from our sleepover. Sunday, I went over my Aunt Donna's for a barbeque. The food was good, I had a good time, I was helping her finish planning our Disney trip coming up at the end of June. I basically planned this whole trip by myself which is dumb considering I'm the child, the parent should plan the trip, not me. After my aunt's, we all decided to go see Star Wars. I missed half the movie because my little cousin Gianna asked to go to the bathroom 5 times, and guess who had to take her all times, then she fell asleep on my shoulder so I was in a very uncomfortable position. Today, I went over Meaghans, we went to the park, walked around, had some really good talks, and had a great time. Every time I hang around Meaghan, it's so much fun, we just do whatever we want, and we don't care what anybody thinks. I feel like we've been getting really close again like we used to, and I'm really happy about that. This summer, my California friend Charlotte might come over and spend a week at my house and see what it's like to live in New York, and then for a week I will be doing the same in her hometown. I am very excited, it will be a big adventure, and I love California, so it's going to be great. I am very much looking forward to this summer, I have so much to do, and I definately won't be bored. Tomorow is school, and that sucks. I am taking te global, Italian, and Bio regents soon, and I think I'm going to do good on the global one, but I'm in trouble for the Italian and bio regents. We've been taking practice regents, I've been doing great on the global ones but have been failing the others. My goal is to get over a 95 for Italian, over an 80 for bio and over a 90 for global. I probably will do good, because I was nervous for the other tests but did good. The math regents I got an 81 on and the Earth Science a 72.		  
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07:26pm 16/05/2005
  I had a good weekend. Last thursday and friday I missed school because I was sick again, and I still don't feel well. Saturday Meaghan came over early, and we walked the track to shape up. We did a lot actually, we talkwhat ed walked around, went on the swings, trampoline, it was a real good work out and my legs were killing me afterwards. Later on Jen came over and we all just hung out, we had a really good time. Late at night, we decided to take a trip to Alleghany park and went on the swings again because it's fun. It was dark, and we were talking about what would happen if someone were to jump out of the bushes and grab one of us and if we would save ourselves, or eachother. haha We're so dumb, but it was a lovely conversation, and then we scared ourselves and jumped off the swings and ran away, and I was running barefoot because I took my shoes off and I run really slow and they just left me there. It was wonderful. Sunday was really hot, I was very tired, and after Meaghan left, I hung out with Maria. We were looking at old pictures we drew and talked about our dreams when we were little, such as my becoming a fashion designer. I wasn't that bad of a drawer actually, I shouldn't have stopped drawing my clothes, I had some good ideas. Maybe one day when I get all of my experience I need, I can still pursue being a designer, and maybe one day I'll be as big as Chanel, or the many other desingers I look up to.

 The other day, my dad was giving me yet another one of his lectures, but this one actually made sense. At first I was like what the fuck is he talking about, but then I realized what he was saying. He was telling me that in order to make it in life, and enjoy being with people, you have to love yourself. He was saying don't necessarily be conceited but just have confidence. That's something I don't have. He was like "Take me for instance, I love myself. I think I am the best person ever, I am a genious, I'm a great looking person, I have an amazing amount of talent. People should be honored to have me as their friend or even know me. You should be honored that your my daughter, because I'm like God." He was telling me that I should have that attitude about myself, and it will bring up my confidence to make myself a better person. I don't want to be like him and love every little thing about myself, but I would love to have confidence in myself, and actually like my looks, and beleive that I am smart, which really I am, I just haven't been applying myself very much lately. I really do want to be very smart, I want to know many things and when I talk to someone I want them to be like wow, this girl is amazing. I am going to work on that. I am going to read a lot of books, and study real hard to become who I was. I have talent in taking pictures, writing, drawing clothing and a bunch of things, and I am going to start focusing on improving my talents, and it will also give me things to do that I am happy about.		  
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You figured me out..I'm like a leaf in the wind..I try and find who I am but wind up lost in the end   
04:44pm 11/05/2005
 
mood: sick
music: Remember to Feel Real~Armor for Sleep
Well, this is my second time I am updating this particular entry, because my computer is gay and decides oh let's freeze up on Danielle right as she finished what she had to type.

I haven't written in a little while, so I'll start of with my weekend.

Friday- Boring. It was my brother's birthday, and everyone forgot about it until the day before. I didn't get him a gift, not like he'd get me anything, and I feel bad but oh well he doesn't really care. My mom didn't call the family over to celebrate his little jamboree either.

Saturday- My original plan was to go to FIT with Brittney, and then shop in the city for presents for our moms for Mother's Day. She was sick so we had to cancel that, but it actually benefited me, because I was tired and wasn't up to going. I spent half the day with my Grandma, and went to visit my Nonna. I love my Grandma, she's so cute. I love her accent too. She was getting mad because my Grandma bought a necklace for her mother, my Nonna, and she wouldn't accept the gift, and it made her cry. In the car, she was like "I canta taka this anymore Daniella, everything Ia doa she alwaysa makes me feela like I'ma not good enough." I felt bad, but the way she said that made me laugh to myself. After my venture with my grandmother, Jenna came over and we met up with Joey and John. It was fun. We went to the park and I got to go on my tire swing! We were also walking and there was this leaf on the ground, but to me it looked like a mouse and I screamed and made an idiot out of myself. Go me. We went to Mr.G's Pizza to get something to eat, and Steve walked in and it was really weird because he'd been wanting to see Jenna for so long, and I never see Steve around town except in school, so my seeing him surprised me.

Sunday- Today was actually fun. I went to visit my Grandma in the morning, and then me and my family went up to Port Jefferson for the day. I bought a book there, walked around and went in the little shops, ate at some restaurant, and took a few pictures. It was a very nice day even though it was cold out and looked like it was going to rain. My mom was very happy with the gifts I picked out and made as well. I made her a painting of a landscape of trees, a pond, and a pretty sky. I also had my dad buy her this painting of Venice, because she loves pictures like that. Last year's present was better. I made her a whole scrapbook which took me 6 weeks to do. I am a good daughter, she can't say I'm not.

Today- Today was very fun. I went over Meaghan's after school, and we went to Daniel Street playground, and I went on my tire swing again. We walked around for a while, and just talked. Then we went back to her house and watched some more Disney sing alongs. I wonder what our new obsession will be. I love those sing alongs! It brings back child-hood memories.

I had a great child-hood. I miss it. I love looking at pictures of when I was little, and hearing stories, and remembering things which happened, watching home videos, all of that. I went in the attic the other day, and took down my baby clothes and went through them. I had cute baby clothes, but then I looked at some and thought "Dear God, what was my mother thinking".

I had a really weird dream the other night that I died and was a ghost. It was interesting. I love dreams. I love interpreting dreams. I remember last year, I would go over Natlie's house and she took out books from the library on interpreting dreams, and that began my phase of interpreting dreams. I had so much fun reading that with her. I kept a dream journal, on one side of the page wrote down what happened in my dream and wrote all of the details I remembered, and on the next page I would write what it meant. It was very fun, and I learned a few things about myself as well. I think I'm going to start that again. I lost my old dream journal, maybe it's in the attic, I'll search for it. I kept many kinds of journals. I had my livejournal, my dream journal, my millions of other journals laying in my closet, my scrapbook, and my book of poems I wrote. As many journals as I have, I can never seem to finish the book. I'd come close, but for some reason I could never just end the book, I'd start writing in a new one. It's been like that since I was really young, maybe 7 or 8. My new goal is finishing a whole entire journal not skipping a page. I wonder how long it will take.		  
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When I wake up..I'm willing to take my chances on..   
12:23pm 02/05/2005
 
mood: anxious

I really need a new job. The one I have, doesn't need me to work that much, and I'm broke. In town, there's a coffee place hiring, and maybe I'll apply there, and there's also a new ice cream place opening up which will be hiring too, so I guess I'll look into them. I already owe my sister $20 and my mom $70.

On Saturday, I bought Gucci sunglasses when I went to the mall with my mom. I don't even have money to buy them yet, and my mom said that she'd buy them because they were the last ones, but she won't let me wear them until I pay her back. I have no money what so ever, and my boss hasn't called me into work yet, so I doubt I'll be getting those glasses anytime soon.

There was these Fendi sunglasses on a poster which I absolutely loved, but of course they don't sell those ones in America. When I go to Italy, I'm going to buy them because I want them so bad and my mom said she'd buy them for me so woo!

 I have been spending a lot of money lately on stupid shit that I never use, I have to stop that. I owe people money and that's not good. I am going to see Head Automatica and I still have to pay Joey back for the ticket. That's 3 people I owe money.

Tonight I am going to see Fall Out Boy at Looney Tunes, and I am very excited because I absolutely love them. I love their music and I love Patrick, he's adorable.

On June 9th, I am going to see From First to Last, and I love them too. I would really like to see a lot of shows over the summer, and I would like to go to the Warped Tour too, but I know I won't be able to go.

  
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09:39pm 01/05/2005
 
mood: happy
I am in a very good mood today, I had a great weekend. Yesterday I slept over Meaghan's house with Jen, and that was a lot of fun. We played some game that you answer questions and theres a buzzer and whoever answers the question correctly first gets a poinr. I don't know what happened to me, I used to be so smart and some of the answers I gave yesterday just made no sense. I got my report card back too last week. I got in trouble for it, I didn't fail anything, I never do on my report card, but it was my worst report card I ever had. It was all low 70's and 80's, that's bad for me. Me and Meaghan talked some things out too which was very good that we did, because I don't want us fighting, she is my best friend, and I don't want anything to happen with our friendship. I am so glad that I'm as close with her as I am. She's helped me out with so much of my problems and if it weren't for her, I'd be miserable. Today, I went to Fortunoff with my mom because she's re-decorating the house. It was a lot of fun, because we were bonding. Whenever I am with just my mom, and my brother or sister isn't there to annoy us, we get along very well. She was giving me more of her talks on life and people. I have to admit even though I can't stand my mom half the time, she amazes me on her outlook on things and how smart she is too. I have been very jealous of my brother and sister lately, I never used to be, but everytime I want to talk to my parents, there always in the way and I hate it. Everytime I need to tell them something good or bad, my brother or sister is always there to interupt me and my parents ignore me, listen to what they have to say and by the time they say they want to hear what I have to say, I lose interest in telling them. They always get me in trouble too, even when I didn't do anything. They will be fighting with my parents and they'll say something I'd usually say, and I get blamed for it "You see what you teach them Danielle?" It gets very annoying. But, today there was none of that just talking and getting along with my mom. I enjoyed it. I wish I were an only child, my life would be better. My brother is a psycho and my sister is a bitch. There also both very annoying, I can't even listen to them talk anymore, because even when I hear their voice, I get so annoyed by them. Yeah I'm done I don't feel like talking anymore.		  
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12:25pm 27/04/2005
 
mood: tired

Well, everyone is off from school this week except Lindenhurst. How lovely. The weekend went by very quickly, but it was really good. On saturday, I went to FIT with Brittney, like I do every saturday morning. I am very glad that Brittney comes to FIT with me, we really connect with things, and we talk about anything really, and she's very understanding too. I have been friends with Brittney since last year, but it was this year that we really got close. I think her and I really think alike and has the same outlook on life, people, and our future. I love when I can really talk about that with people, especially when they understand what I say, because a lot of people don't agree with my views. We both have some of the same goals in life, like the fact that we both really want to get accepted into FIT.

I signed up the other day to take the summer courses at FIT. I will be taking a display and exhibit design class, because next year I want to apply and one day be a window decorator and store planner. I am going to be very occupied this summer. I will be working 2 jobs, I have FIT to attend four times a week, I will be going to DisneyWorld to start of my summer, and I have my sweet 16 which I will be planning. Also, I will be learning how to drive! I am very excited for next year too. I have Italy to look forward to in October, and since this year was my bad year, maybe next year will be different and go well for me.

On Saturday, after FIT, Brittney came over for a little while and we had a lot of fun. Then, I went to Meaghan's and slept over her house. We watched some more disney sing alongs, listened to music, danced, and then her dad brought us out to get ice cream. I love ice cream. On sunday I had work, then Meaghan came over afterwards. Monday I had no school and actually had a full night sleep in a long time. I went to the mall with my grandma and my cousins. It was fun, then I went to my cousin Gianna's softball game. I had no idea what was going on, but she won so yay for her!

I don't feel like writing now, that's why this entry is so boring.
Bye

  
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Life and boys...   
11:14pm 22/04/2005
 
mood: accomplished
music: Black Heart Valentine-Northstar
Today went very well for me. It was Meaghan and mine 1 year anniversary of being friends, I had so much fun. When she came over, we watched disney sing along videos, listened to music, took pictures, and blew out candles to out cake like it was our birthday.

Before Meaghan came over, me and Jen got into a really in depth conversation at school about karma,  fate and destiny. She has no beleif in this what so ever, and I have a strong beleif in fate and destiny, so it was quite an arguement, and neither of us lost, and everyone loses to Jen.

She was telling me her beleifs on why she doesn't beleive in fate or destiny, and the reasoning to her thinking it's all bullshit. I was saying how everything happens for a reason, and how everything you do in your life is a lesson for you to be an ultimately better person in life and to go through experiences which will better one's future. She kept asking me many questions which usually noone could answer, but I gave multiple exanples to back my opinion up. She kept using situations where let's say a person is good throughout there childhood and teenagehood, and where they never smoked, drank, did anything really disobediant, was a straight A student, and was a good person overall. Well, she wanted to know why someone like that could be in debt, or be doing badly socially, physically, or mentally. I explained to her that although she was an overall good person, everything that has happened to her whether it was debt, or any other issue, there was a lesson behind it that she needed to learn, but if that person didn't understand or seek the lesson, then they would be stuck so to speak in a period of there life which will be very hard for them. She also didn't understand why people say everyone is destined to do a certain something in their life which is the reason to their existance, yet not many people have accomplished something worth calling it to be their destiny. I beleive, that everyone is in fact given a destiny the moment their born, and it's up to them to figure out what their reasoning to be on earth was, not everyone will find it because of lessons they hadn't been able to understand or take notice to, which will not allow for one's destiny to be acheived. In order for one to fulfill their destiny, they have to have a better understanding of their self, and go through lessons not running away from them, but coping with them. Anyone who has an eating disorder, an alcoholic or someone who does drugs all the time is a perfect example of people running away from their problems instead of coping with them, not allowing for themself to learn the lessons they need to to be a better person in the end.

Today I actually got a lot to say out to people. With Meaghan, we were talking about changes we need to make in our lives when it comes to boys. I will never understand the way they work. I will never understand how they think, why they have no heart and can cheat on someone or use someone. I find it funny how they think girls are difficult when really it's them. They think very backwards compared to most girls, and I love when they think where the bitchy ones who go through mood swings when I know many guys in which their like the girl and goes through those mood swings, and can be very bitchy. Anyway, we were talking about all of this stuff, and I've decided that I'm going to slow down with boys, and if I really like that guy, I'm definately not going to rush into anything or something bad will happen, and I don't want that at all. Meaghan has made some very big changes in which I'm very proud of her in and I will use her as my model so that whenever I have a problem with a boy, which happens a lot, I will look at what she's changed about herself, and use that so it can help me change too. I will not go into things too quickly, and whenever I have a problem with something, I will speak up instead of leaving it alone, and bottling up useless frustration.
 
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06:21pm 20/04/2005
 
mood: bitchy
music: Constantine-Something Corporate

Wow, I haven’t had a livejournal in about a year now.

 I loved writing in my journal, but I hated the drama that went along with it. Everyone took things the wrong way, and many fights arised.

That is the reason I stopped.

I miss writing in my old journal though, I still have it saved, and sometimes I re-read my entries from last year and cry.

I had a great year last year, I miss it so much.

Life seems to be working every other year for me. One year will be a wonderful year full of happy memories, the next year will suck very much, and I just wish it would end. Last year was my wonderful year, this year is my bad year.

It’s not that I hate this year, because I don’t, I had many great memories, it’s just that it’s very different, and it’s taking me a while to adjust things that has changed very much in my life.

I even had to put away some pictures of last year so that I don’t cry over how much I miss it.

 I cry a lot lately. I’ll go through monthly phases. One month all I do is cry, the next month I bottle so much things up that one day I burst. I hate it

. I have changed very much since last year, I would say I’m even a new person. This year, I’m not Danielle. I used to be so much happier than I am now, I wasn’t as bitchy, I was a fun person to be around, and I used to let people know how I felt about something truthfully.

Now, I always feel that I have to watch what I say to others or they will get mad, I lost a huge amount of trust in people, I don’t enjoy being around others that much, and these aren’t very healthy qualities for someone.

 There are some people who have helped me overcome things, which was very difficult for me, and I thank them.

They know who they are.

Even though I haven’t had the best year, I must admit that I have learned many lessons.

 I see a lot more about people this year than I ever did. I know what kind of person I want to be around, and what kind of person I should stay away from. I like to be friends with people who are forgiving, and don’t hold grudges, and can admit when they are wrong, and actually uses the words “I’m sorry”

I cannot be around people who have tunnel vision. By that, I mean that they don’t shut everything down when something goes on in their lives, and runs away from or shuns the problem instead of doing something about it.

 Getting into a fight with people who cope like this is very frustrating, and very unhealthy. When something goes wrong in my life, I want to deal with it right away, I am not the kind of person who needs time to think things over and then deal with it, I would go insane if I had to do things that way.

 I hate it when people can’t admit when there wrong. What is the big deal?

Well on to something more positive, I have been very excited about my sweet 16, I’ve been obsessing with every aspect about it, it has to be perfect.

Another thing, is this Friday is Meaghan and mine one year anniversary of being friends. I’m very excited, we’re celebrating and making brownies and cakes. Yum

  
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  hope_thathurts
 
 

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